Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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