You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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