You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
