yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
