we have pet lesbian snakes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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