I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
