dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
