this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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