i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
