why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
