Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
