DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
