I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
