SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
