I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drake has all the answers
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
