i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
