Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
