Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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