Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
