What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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