Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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