Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
