So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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