Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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