New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
