I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
