Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
