Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
