I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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