She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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