uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
