I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
