I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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