Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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