He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
