my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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