i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
