Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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