barbara walters just said penis...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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