On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
