two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
