I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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