I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
