Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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