at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
