Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
