I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
