HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
