What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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