I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
