two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my poor anus
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
