9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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