No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
